Monsoon Bonanza

It’s raining for past two days. Nonstop! We sat beside the window and lit a fag, watching the dripping coconut trees.

“You see, they are abundant this side. You get one for five rupees”, informed Ankur.

“So you guys must be eating a lot of them.”

“Not really! I get a few if there’s a guest. The planters sell them for even less. But who’ll go so far?”

“Where’s your mom?” said I.

“She’s gone shopping for the pujas”.

“And you didn’t go! Don’t you want to buy some stuff for yourself?”

“Feel bad. I don’t do anything. I fucking don’t even study. I don’t talk to them. I don’t go out. What to do with new clothes? Sniff diluter in them?”

“You still doing chemicals?”

“Only proxyvons.”

“Shit man, that doesn’t even gets you proper high. Just spoils the bloody stomach. I was getting too much acidity with that.” I belched.

“I don’t know man, I’m plain addicted. Feel normal when I pop in a pill or two.”

Ankur is a new friend. He got close after a few rock concerts together. I had hardly ever got time to spend some time with him. He would invite me to strange places. Like when he’s out for date!! “Why?” I would ask him. “It’s your fuckin date so you go. Why fuckin me?”

“Please.”, he would say. He wasn’t comfortable with girls. But wanted to date anyways. And he had this misconception that I’m a smart fellow. He tried to impress his girls by showing them that he has a friend like me.

“But why the hell on earth me?”

I had my own commitments to keep. So after a lot of let-downs I felt bad for him. And luckily he invited me home one day. I gladly agreed at the prospect of spending a nice holiday somewhere away from my fucked up surroundings. And freely, without any of his kiddo dates.

He came to receive me at the station and took me to dingy shanties to buy some grass. And man, it smelled great. We entered his nice, cozy two-bedroom apartment. His room was smaller and clean. The bed beside a huge window, with a clear view. Coconut trees and fields.

Fields like the ones back home.

I was looking at the books when Ankur climbed up the study table and took out a small briefcase from some shelf. I went closer to see that. There were some really amazing audio CD’s and a full strip of blue pills. Bullets!! He popped in one to be normal.

Saw one big framed picture of goddess Durga. Daker saaj….. just like the one back home. Something struck me.

“You are Ankur Khan right? I see a lot of Hindu goddesses over here. You guys are Indian communists or what? Secular, huh!!”

“No fucker, we are Khan alright, but that Khan is not the Muslim surname. Our’s is pronounced Kha! It was a sort of honorable title which some fuckin ancestor of mine received from some goddamned nawab.”

“Shit man, I miss the monarchs. I want a bloody royal dynasty for this country. No fuckin elections. Bastard despots should rule now. No democracy when it sucks all the same. With a king, at least, some old fuckin oriental exotica will live. Some pomp and grandeur. Some bloody gaudy palaces. This democratic shit ain’t workin. They are buying and snatching votes all the same.”

“Fuck man, I don’t know. I haven’t got any problems with anyone as long as I can buy my pills.”

“But you know something, your house has some strange resemblance to mine. This Durga picture over here, we have one same like that. Anyways, roll the stuff now.”

“Wait for a minute, we will go the terrace for that. Mom is back home. You want some tea?”

“Yeah, but give me a pill before that. Want to be really high today.”

“Don’t worry, the joint gonna spoof you up.”

He went to the kitchen and returned with some Marie biscuits. The staple of my house. I kept quiet. I had not seen his mom until then. She came in with a tray and two cups of tea.

“Mom, he’s my friend from college. Will stay with me tonight.”

“Hello beta, its great to see you here. Ankur stays alone whole day. He doesn’t even go out. He is so lonely. Hasn’t got any siblings also. Just be’s in his room for the whole day. God knows what he does. But it’s good that you’re here.”

“Mom don’t start again.”

“Achha ok baba, I’m leaving.”

“No auntie, it’s alright. Ankur is just shy”, I noticed the round La Opala cups. With pastel petals on them. The same back home.

“And we have the same cups back home!” I tried to look astonished.

Ankur just smiled. I sipped from the familiar cup.

“Fannings?” I asked.

“I don’t know man. Dad buys all stuff.”

“But I do shop for my home. It’s the same tea used in my home”

“Fuck man, it’s spooky. Don’t confuse me. And anyways, let’s go to the terrace.”

“What about the wind? The stuff would all blow away.”

We locked the door from inside and rolled two joints. Then we went on to the terrace. Climbed right up the water tank and lied down on the rough black surface. An evening breeze blew. The drizzle has stopped this side but must’ve been raining somewhere. I lit the joint and offered Ankur.

“No man, I’ve quit.”

“Fucking bastard, you do pills and you’ve quit the herb. What shit are you trying to prove?”

“No man, I don’t know why I’ve left. Anyways just fuck it. I’m already high.”

“Your wish!”

The weather was alluring. We unbuttoned our shirts. And it was then I saw those bloody scars on his arms.

“What the hell is that?”

“Self mutilation”, he smiled.

“Even I’ve used razors and stuff man but neatly. The ones you have could have killed me.”

“No brother it’s just the technique. While slashing, just tilt the razor edge a li’l.”

“Still man, still!! Nobody questions you?”

“Whenever they ask I cook up some story of accident. Now they don’t ask but understand I guess.”

“Your girlfriend?”

“I wrote a whole fucking diary for her with my blood.”

“Holy shit!! And then?”

“Then she just cried, threatened about a breakup, tried to complaint to my parents. Nowadays she too remains silent. Never asks me about these scars. She knows that I won’t change.”

“And you still slash? Only for her?”

“Yeah man whenever we fight. Whenever I’m fuckin pissed off with this world. The rage needs a way out. Doesn’t matter if it is through blood.”

“You’re a fuckin psychopath.”

“I am no one. You have seen me with a lot of girls. But I love my girl and our relationship is going nowhere. We hardly meet and whenever we do, we fight like demons.”

“Why don’t you just break up? You can go your way.”

“I cannot. We’ve been together since childhood. I don’t want to live without her.”

“You’ve had sex?”

“No man.”

“Don’t lie fucker.”

“I am serious. We don’t have any such physical relationship. Just kissing and stuff.”

“Great! You have this girlfriend for past so many years you are a fuckin virgin. Cool!!"

We were getting a bit soggy with all the drizzle which falls like fine dust. On the far horizon, clouds lingered on. As usual. We returned downstairs and got inside the warm room. Aunt had left some of the famed telebhajas of Bengal. The deep fried, batter dipped vegetables poised my post-doped hungry stomach. We gobbled them up fast. He took out his walkman and we listened to songs late into the evening. Nobody spoke that time. We got up for dinner. His parents had slept till them. I didn’t get a chance to see his dad. Ankur served dinner for both of us, without making any noise.

Quietly…
Just like they do in my house.

We had dinner watching Seinfield on Star World. Ankur watches that every day. I never make such mistakes.

Two more pills each and we were off to sleep.

The next morning was wet in feel and cold in appearance. We got up early and were greeted with a warm cup of tea by aunt.

It is raining for past two days. Nonstop! We sat beside the window and lit a fag, watching the dripping coconut trees.

Let us watch how the city drowns in its own sweat, tears and piss.